Discerning our mission: finding ways to accompany young people on their unique journey

This week we were joined by David Wells, Abbot Christopher Jamison OSB and Ruth Holgate who together explored ways of how we can accompany young people as they journey on their own unique paths and discern their place in the world. Some of the reflections are shared below:

Prayer and connecting:

(Accompaniers) must have the farsightedness to appreciate the little flame that continues to burn, the fragile reed that is shaken but not broken (cf. Is 42:3). The ability to discern pathways where others only see walls, to recognize potential where others see only peril. That is how God the Father see things; he knows how to cherish and nurture the seeds of goodness sown in the hearts of the young. Each young person’s heart should thus be considered “holy ground”, a bearer of seeds of divine life, before which we must “take off our shoes” in order to draw near and enter more deeply into the Mystery - Christus Vivit, 67.

Faith sharing question: Where have you been aware of “holy ground” as you’ve drawn near to the mystery of young people?

O God of all, you give so abundantly to your people.
As we seek to walk with your young people, we ask you to walk with us.
Help us to listen to your voice in the midst of the lives, hopes, desires and anguish of the young.

Please give us wisdom to hear you, the patience to listen, the trust to give over to your guidance, and the hope for a holy outcome.
Your love is unconditional and we know that your desire for us all is that we find the best for our growth, health and well-being.
We want to live together in a life full of your grace.
We open our hearts and minds to You. Amen.

Input from our special guests:
David’s refections focused on the theology of accompaniment. He invited us to find our own stories to connect with the richness of this are of our ministry. He gave two examples of times he felt challenged: The first was with a man on the tube who was shouting on the underground, proclaiming the good news. David admired his conviction, intentionality, and his desire to share his faith. But on the other hand, David was finding anger rising and wasn’t sure whether that was fault or discernment in himself. Standing on a hot sticky tube and being shouted out, when we got to the next stop, the man left and people gave a sigh of relief. It troubled him as there was something good about his desire. “My irritation with the moment was because he got off the train. In other words, he wasn’t entering into a relationship with us, his message was stark, it wasn’t intimate, he didn’t know my name. This isn’t new but a growing theology suggests intentional discipleship is more costly than proclaiming, and it is lived out in the virtues - patience, kindness, courage, fortitude, mercy – but it is costly, getting off the train is the way out. Once I know a person and I know their pain, I’m part of a different process. When you enter into this approach – intentional discipleship - you too are changed by it – it is not a leader led experience.”

His second story focused on a group of young mums who he’d been invited by the Parish Priest to support to explore the sacraments. When standing in front of the group in his suit and projector, it was felt to be completely inappropriate. For two or three weeks everything was meaningless it wasn’t until he got into dialogue with them, in the right setting and asked them about their lives that the relationship started to catch fire. And in a session around prayer when he asked them if they wished to pray with him that tears emerged - tears of failure and disappointment. It was then that I became aware of the fact that I needed to “take off my shoes” as I was entering into holy ground.

His main takeaway points are that…

Accompaniment is the role of the church - Pope Benedict once said “The Church accompanies the world”
It is exercised through the virtues (patience, kindness, courage, fortitude, mercy…)
Movement - We can’t just meet people where they are, all five of Pope Francis’ exhalations have focused on the need to not stand still, don’t become parked cars - help (young people) move from where they are, to where God wants them to be.
Proximity - be close to people - stand shoulder to shoulder with them - What does it mean to minister shoulder to shoulder (Christ on one shoulder and your neighbour on another)?
It is also recognising that the accompanier, as well as the one accompanied, also goes through a period of conversion - it is a gradual change between the recipient and the disciple.

Abbot Christopher and Ruth Holgate focused on the importance of becoming better at listening and the obstacles that come with that. For people that are fixers this is difficult as they come from a place where they want to fix something (sometimes sharing too much from their own life), as opposed to listening to where the person is. Focusing on the genius of the holy spirit that is already at work. Listen to what the spirit is already doing within them. And with deep level listening - desires, fears, hopes, relationship with God - pointing to the clues you already see within them - noticing what gives them life. Lockdown life gives people more space to ponder, and think about where is the life? Noticing what is already there in there experience and helping them with the next step.

Breakout rooms questions: What has struck you with the sharing from Ruth, David and Christopher? How does it encourage you in your ministry?

Participants shared some of the following thoughts…

Listen to the individual (not just the ‘group’ of young people) - we see things as youth ministers that others don’t
Listen deeply and have your heart open
Acknowledge that the Holy Spirit is already present and working
We all need to be accompanied and we need ongoing formation
Struck by the phrase - “The role of the whole Church is to accompany”. So how do can we develop as accompaniers? If we haven’t been accompanied ourselves, how do we accompany others? How do we empower lay people to be accompaniers?
Have we lost what it means to be an accompanying Church in this time of crisis? If we are only streaming masses etc. What does it mean to be an intentional disciple today?
Where have we listened in the last two months? Family and work during this pandemic - where are we supposed to be listening in this time?
Accompaniment is a journey - walk beside them
It is a long term game
Don’t just try to catechise them (young people)!

RESOURCES SHARED:

Renewing the promise: https://iceont.ca/news-and-updates/renewingthepromise/
Bill Huebsch: The Art of Accompaniment
Why facts don’t change our mind: https://jamesclear.com/why-facts-dont-change-minds?fbclid=IwAR2Nl84CgsI5fWBLcNMziyIpA2uuAW3kZSgWHPzxEL4nVvQ2wTiWMjI4ncw
Spiritual Discipleship book: https://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Discipleship-Principles-Following-Believer/dp/0802416691

Listening and accompaniment - Extract from Christus Vivit
291. There are many priests, men and women religious, lay and professional persons, and indeed qualified young people, who can help the young with their vocational discernment. When we are called upon to help others discern their path in life, what is uppermost is the ability to listen. Listening calls for three distinct and complementary kinds of sensitivity.
292. The first kind of sensitivity is directed to the individual. It is a matter of listening to someone who is sharing his very self in what he says. A sign of this willingness to listen is the time we are ready to spare for others. More than the amount of time we spend, it is about making others feel that my time is their time, that they have all the time they need to say everything they want. The other person must sense that I am listening unconditionally, without being offended or shocked, tired or bored. We see an example of this kind of listening in the Lord; he walks alongside the disciples on the way to Emmaus, even though they are going in the wrong direction (cf. Lk 24:13-35). When Jesus says he plans to go farther, they realize that he has given them the gift of his time, so they decide to give him theirs by offering their hospitality. Attentive and selfless listening is a sign of our respect for others, whatever their ideas or their choices in life.
293. The second kind of sensitivity is marked by discernment. It tries to grasp exactly where grace or temptation is present, for sometimes the things that flit across our minds are mere temptations that can distract us from our true path. I need to ask myself what is it that the other person is trying to tell me, what they want me to realize is happening in their lives. Asking such questions helps me appreciate their thinking and the effects it has on their emotions. This kind of listening seeks to discern the salutary promptings of the good Spirit who proposes to us the Lord’s truth, but also the traps laid by the evil spirit – his empty works and promises. It takes courage, warmth and tact to help others distinguish the truth from illusions or excuses.
294. The third kind of sensitivity is the ability to perceive what is driving the other person. This calls for a deeper kind of listening, one able to discern the direction in which that person truly wants to move. Apart from what they are feeling or thinking right now, and whatever has happened up to this point in their lives, the real issue is what they would like to be. This may demand that they look not to their own superficial wishes and desires, but rather to what is most pleasing to the Lord, to his plans for their life. And that is seen in a deeper inclination of the heart, beyond the surface level of their likes and feelings. This kind of listening seeks to discern their ultimate intention, the intention that definitively decides the meaning of their life. Jesus knows and appreciates this ultimate intention of the heart. He is always there, ready to help each of us to recognize it. We need but say to him: “Lord, save me! Have mercy on me!”
295. In this way, discernment becomes a genuine means of spiritual combat, helping us to follow the Lord more faithfully.[161] The desire to know our personal vocation thus takes on a supreme intensity, a different quality and higher level, one that better respects the dignity of our person and our life. In the end, good discernment is a path of freedom that brings to full fruit what is unique in each person, something so personal that only God knows it. Others cannot fully understand or predict from the outside how it will develop.
296. When we listen to others in this way, at a certain moment we ourselves have to disappear in order to let the other person follow the path he or she has discovered. We have to vanish as the Lord did from the sight of his disciples in Emmaus, leaving them alone with burning hearts and an irresistible desire to set out immediately (cf. Lk 24:31-33). When they returned to the community, those disciples heard the good news that the Lord was indeed risen (cf. Lk 24:34).
297. Because “time is greater than space”,[162] we need to encourage and accompany processes, without imposing our own roadmaps. For those processes have to do with persons who remain always unique and free. There are no easy recipes, even when all the signs seem positive, since “positive factors themselves need to be subjected to a careful work of discernment, so that they do not become isolated and contradict one another, becoming absolutes and at odds with one another. The same is true for the negative factors, which are not to be rejected en bloc and without distinction, because in each one there may lie hidden some value which awaits liberation and restoration to its full truth”.[163]
298. If you are to accompany others on this path, you must be the first to follow it, day in and day out. That is what Mary did, in her own youth, as she confronted her own questions and difficulties. May she renew your youthfulness by the power of her prayers and accompany you always by her maternal presence.

Reflections from participants:
Affirm young people positively
Create a safe space for them
How do we get young people to lead? - Seek those moments of encounter and be open to the oppurtunity of encounter
Parable reflections: Road to Emmaus and The parable of the sower

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